Ptsd Thoughts by Desiree Cady

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Ptsd Thoughts

You should no longer harm me
You shouldn't get to win
What you did to my body
It surely was a sin

I should no longer have to feel
The pain from your actions
Thoughts of you are just that
Those thoughts are pure distraction

I should be able to live my life
Not live in constant fear
Not wonder where you may be hiding
Behind what corner you may leer

Most often I find your memory
It hides in simple things 
Scents and words and certain touches
What horrid memories they bring

Its been so long, you should move on
At least that's what they say
Don't they get that I would
If I could figure out a way?

Though I know its just a thought
Only a memory
Again it feels so real
Like you are there again reigning your rage down over me

I've tried to tell myself 
That it was ONLY unwanted sex
But what you did that night has haunted me 
As if I were put under some evil hex

It is so difficult to go on
With a mind that works like this
So many days of my future
My scattered thoughts will cause me to miss 

How is it fair that you go on
Living your happy life
While I am stuck here on replay 
Still bleeding from your knife?

©2017 Desiree Cady
Bio
I am a 33 year old mother of two beautiful girls who have been my saving grace. After a brutal attack a few years ago, I have been plagued by PTSD. After the attack and a few suicide attempts, I vowed to tell my story and help inspire others to get help and to know that they are not alone. 
I am currently wrapping up two manuscripts for publication and am set to be published in an upcoming anthology that will come out mid - November.

You can find more of my work at
Www.Facebook.com/Gemini.allure 

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